State-of-the-Art Shitcode Principles
This a list of state-of-the-art shitcode principles your project should follow to call it a proper shitcode.
Read this in other languages: 简体中文, 한국어
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The Principles
💩 Name variables in a way as if your code was already obfuscated
Fewer keystrokes, more time for you.
Good 👍🏻
let a = 42;Bad 👎🏻
let age = 42;💩 Mix variable/functions naming style
Celebrate the difference.
Good 👍🏻
let wWidth = 640;
let w_height = 480;Bad 👎🏻
let windowWidth = 640;
let windowHeight = 480;💩 Never write comments
No one is going to read your code anyway.
Good 👍🏻
const cdr = 700;Bad 👎🏻
More often comments should contain some 'why' and not some 'what'. If the 'what' is not clear in the code, the code is probably too messy.
// The number of 700ms has been calculated empirically based on UX A/B test results.
// @see: <link to experiment or to related JIRA task or to something that explains number 700 in details>
const callbackDebounceRate = 700;💩 Always write comments in your native language
If you violated the "No comments" principle then at least try to write comments in a language that is different from the language you use to write the code. If your native language is English you may violate this principle.
Good 👍🏻
// Закриваємо модальне віконечко при виникненні помилки.
toggleModal(false);Bad 👎🏻
// Hide modal window on error.
toggleModal(false);💩 Try to mix formatting style as much as possible
Celebrate the difference.
Good 👍🏻
let i = ['tomato', 'onion', 'mushrooms'];
let d = [ "ketchup", "mayonnaise" ];Bad 👎🏻
let ingredients = ['tomato', 'onion', 'mushrooms'];
let dressings = ['ketchup', 'mayonnaise'];💩 Put as much code as possible into one line
Good 👍🏻
document.location.search.replace(/(^\?)/,'').split('&').reduce(function(o,n){n=n.split('=');o[n[0]]=n[1];return o},{})Bad 👎🏻
document.location.search
.replace(/(^\?)/, '')
.split('&')
.reduce((searchParams, keyValuePair) => {
keyValuePair = keyValuePair.split('=');
searchParams[keyValuePair[0]] = keyValuePair[1];
return searchParams;
},
{}
)💩 Fail silently
Whenever you catch an error it is not necessary for anyone to know about it. No logs, no error modals, chill.
Good 👍🏻
try {
// Something unpredictable.
} catch (error) {
// tss... 🤫
}Bad 👎🏻
try {
// Something unpredictable.
} catch (error) {
setErrorMessage(error.message);
// and/or
logError(error);
}💩 Use global variables extensively
Globalization principle.
Good 👍🏻
let x = 5;
function square() {
x = x ** 2;
}
square(); // Now x is 25.Bad 👎🏻
let x = 5;
function square(num) {
return num ** 2;
}
x = square(x); // Now x is 25.💩 Create variables that you're not going to use.
Just in case.
Good 👍🏻
function sum(a, b, c) {
const timeout = 1300;
const result = a + b;
return a + b;
}Bad 👎🏻
function sum(a, b) {
return a + b;
}💩 Don't specify types and/or don't do type checks if language allows you to do so.
Good 👍🏻
function sum(a, b) {
return a + b;
}
// Having untyped fun here.
const guessWhat = sum([], {}); // -> "[object Object]"
const guessWhatAgain = sum({}, []); // -> 0Bad 👎🏻
function sum(a: number, b: number): ?number {
// Covering the case when we don't do transpilation and/or Flow type checks in JS.
if (typeof a !== 'number' && typeof b !== 'number') {
return undefined;
}
return a + b;
}
// This one should fail during the transpilation/compilation.
const guessWhat = sum([], {}); // -> undefined💩 You need to have an unreachable piece of code
This is your "Plan B".
Good 👍🏻
function square(num) {
if (typeof num === 'undefined') {
return undefined;
}
else {
return num ** 2;
}
return null; // This is my "Plan B".
}Bad 👎🏻
function square(num) {
if (typeof num === 'undefined') {
return undefined;
}
return num ** 2;
}💩 Triangle principle
Be like a bird - nest, nest, nest.
Good 👍🏻
function someFunction() {
if (condition1) {
if (condition2) {
asyncFunction(params, (result) => {
if (result) {
for (;;) {
if (condition3) {
}
}
}
})
}
}
}Bad 👎🏻
async function someFunction() {
if (!condition1 || !condition2) {
return;
}
const result = await asyncFunction(params);
if (!result) {
return;
}
for (;;) {
if (condition3) {
}
}
}💩 Mess with indentations
Avoid indentations since they make complex code take up more space in the editor. If you're not feeling like avoiding them then just mess with them.
Good 👍🏻
const fruits = ['apple',
'orange', 'grape', 'pineapple'];
const toppings = ['syrup', 'cream',
'jam',
'chocolate'];
const desserts = [];
fruits.forEach(fruit => {
toppings.forEach(topping => {
desserts.push([
fruit,topping]);
});})Bad 👎🏻
const fruits = ['apple', 'orange', 'grape', 'pineapple'];
const toppings = ['syrup', 'cream', 'jam', 'chocolate'];
const desserts = [];
fruits.forEach(fruit => {
toppings.forEach(topping => {
desserts.push([fruit, topping]);
});
})💩 Do not lock your dependencies
Update your dependencies on each new installation in uncontrolled way. Why stick to the past, let's use the cutting edge libraries versions.
Good 👍🏻
$ ls -la
package.json
Bad 👎🏻
$ ls -la
package.json
package-lock.json
💩 Always name your boolean value a flag
Leave the space for your colleagues to think what the boolean value means.
Good 👍🏻
let flag = true;Bad 👎🏻
let isDone = false;
let isEmpty = false;💩 Long-read functions are better than short ones.
Don't divide a program logic into readable pieces. What if your IDE's search breaks and you will not be able to find the necessary file or function?
- 10000 lines of code in one file is OK.
- 1000 lines of a function body is OK.
- Dealing with many services (3rd party and internal, also, there are some helpers, database hand-written ORM and jQuery slider) in one
service.js? It's OK.
💩 Avoid covering your code with tests
This is a duplicate and unnecessary amount of work.
💩 As hard as you can try to avoid code linters
Write code as you want, especially if there is more than one developer in a team. This is a "freedom" principle.
💩 Start your project without a README file.
And keep it that way for the time being.
💩 You need to have unnecessary code
Don't delete the code your app doesn't use. At most, comment it.